September 4, 2014 I went for the Transvaginal Endoscopy with possible Laparoscopy. I cannot lie, the experience as a whole was not pleasant for me. My husband and I arrived at the hospital the required two hours before the scheduled procedure. The drive was over an hour so we had to leave around 9am, which was great because at least we got to sleep in. My procedure was scheduled for 12:30pm however I did not go back to the preparation area until nearly 1:30pm. It was probably closer to 2pm when I actually went in for the procedure. That alone is not a problem, I do understand that things can take longer than anticipated however, the fact that we were there for such a long time without my being able to take any of my pain medication, was a problem. Due to a lot of my pain being in my lower back, hip, and pelvis I am very particular about where I sit. I need to be conscientious of the level of support in order to be comfortable. The chairs, as you can imagine in a hospital, were not that supportive or comfortable at all, so after three hours of sitting in them I was in quite a bit of pain. I was grateful to have finally been called back to the preparation area for at least then I could lay down, even if the bed was a little hard.
The next step was probably the most painful and unpleasant out of the whole experience. The
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| Bruise one hour after blood work |
technician came to insert my IV and decided he wanted to do blood work for a pregnancy test as well. When I signed in I had spoken to the nurse and informed her that due to my parents visiting for two weeks and my husband's parents visiting for one week in August we had decided to hold off that month. I informed her that we had had a negative pregnancy test in July and I had also just had my period a few days prior therefore, there would be no chance that we were pregnant. She told me that I would not need the blood work but the technician wanted to play it safe. He briefly looked at my arm and then decided that he was going to put the needle in the middle of my forearm. He jammed the needle in and was pushing it around looking for the 'right spot' and trying to get the desired amount of blood. He was also using force with his hand and thumb to try to direct the blood to the needle. It was so painful that I had tears streaming down my face. I have never experienced blood work as painful as this before. After several moments he told me that he had 'good' and 'bad' news. The good news was that he got the blood work he needed, the bad news, he couldn't leave the IV where it was. I asked him if he was not able to just put it into my hand, since although it is painful, past experiences have proven that blood work and IV is successful there. So in the hand the IV went. He again jammed the needle into my vein and poked around for a little bit, creating more tears and discomfort. From that moment until I was given the anesthetic all I could feel was a needle in my hand. It was throbbing, aching and so uncomfortable. The anesthesiologist offered to have the needle moved but I made it quite clear that I did not want anyone to touch it at that point.
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| Bruise 2 days after procure. |
When my Fertility Dr. came to talk to us just before the surgery he asked me how everything was going. I told him that I had just finished my period a few days prior and that when it had started the pain in my right pelvic area, hip and low back was through the roof. He decided to skip the Transvaginal Endoscopy(the exploratory portion of the procedure) and just go right to the Laparoscopy for he felt there was something there. The Dr. walked me to the OR and in my attempts to alleviate my nerves I told him that the IV technician was not in my good books! We were able to have a little laugh over this at least.
I must say, the best part of this whole experience was the 45 minute sleep I had during the procedure. I woke up in the recovery area and was given some ginger ale and a Popsicle, first thing I had had to eat or drink since 8pm the previous night. I remember having only been awake for a few moments, but really who knows cause it's very disorienting, when the Dr. came to check in on me. He told me that I did
not have endometriosis then made a comment about my bowels. Tears started streaming down my face. It was a punch to my gut. I had been excited for the possibility of having answers and my worst fear was having none. At that moment I felt as though my worst fear had come true. He told me that he would talk to me later when I had woken up more and so I was eager to hear what he did find. I went back into the Day Surgery section and was slowly getting ready to leave when I asked the nurse if the Dr. was coming back to talk to us. After some inquiring on his whereabouts it was discovered that he had left for the day. A message was left with him however it was unlikely he would return. Prior to the procedure I had asked if the Dr. would tell me what the outcome and was reassured that he would speak to me before
and after. I was upset that he had left without even so much as talking to my husband and that now we would have to wait for the results for the follow up appointment which would not to be booked for 4 - 6 weeks later, according to the information given to us.
I went home with my prescription only realizing after we had already left that I was due for my next dose of pain killers at the same time they released me. We drove the 1+ hour drive home in rush hour traffic with no further medication, which again, was not the best experience. I am grateful to my husband for trying to avoid the heavier traffic areas as much as possible and getting me right to the pharmacy when we got back into town. We dropped off the prescription and then he took me home to rest while he went back to pick it up (Shh, don't tell them that he left me alone for 20 mins!).
My husband was great over the next few days. He had to stay home the following day as well since I was not able to be alone for 24 hours after the procedure. He was the best (and strictest) nurse I could have asked for. He ensured I had lots of jello and pudding and saw that my ginger ale was always full. It became a little much though when he yelled at me for getting up and walking around, LOL. I had to remind him that I needed to move around bit by bit. I was not even able to cut my own pork chop a few days later ... okay I cannot complain about this, he was truly sweet and so helpful!
I was also very lucky that a good friend of mine and his twins were able to come over that Saturday. My husband had a baseball tournament and I knew he would stay home to be with me if I needed it, but I didn't want him to miss out! My friend came by for a couple of hours to keep me company and it was nice just to know that I was not going to be alone for too long. Thankfully I was moving a bit easier at the time and was not needing too much assistance!
By the next week I still had not heard about the time for my follow up appointment with the Dr. I contacted the office and they told me that they were waiting for the Dr.'s new schedule. The following week they called and told me the appointment would be for November 26, 2014. That was 14 weeks from the date of my procedure. I was so angry, frustrated and sad. Not only did that mean that I would not find out the results, it also meant that our attempts at building our family, with assistance, was also on hold. After I wrote an email expressing my frustrations and having my husband call and speaking to them, they placed us on a cancellation list. One day I received a call to change our appointment time but it was to actually push it back further, November 29, 2014. The nurse asked if that was okay, and I honestly told her it wasn't, but that there was nothing I could do about. I expressed that I was quite frustrated that our 4 - 6 week follow up had been booked for 14 weeks later and that I felt that it was unacceptable. She told me we were on the cancellation list and that was all they could do for us. No apologies, no empathy, no understanding. Thankfully a few weeks later we did in fact get an appointment time sooner, for November 3, 2014.
In the meantime I had spoken to my family Dr.. Last December he had referred me to a Gastroentologist but I had not heard anything since. I updated him on what I knew from the surgery (which wasn't much) and asked if we could pursue the referral. He assured me he would look into the referral and either get me into the Dr. where the referral was made or make a new one elsewhere. Two days later I was given an appointment for October 6, 2014 with the specialist. I contacted the nurse through my Fertility clinic and asked her to forward my Laparoscopy results in time for the appointment. Even though she told me she would, it was not done. The Gastroentologist asked me questions about the Laparoscopy and all I could tell him was that the Dr. had commented on bowels. I wished I could remember what he said and whether or not it had been an observation or just speculation! I emailed the nurse again and asked her to send the results to the specialist ASAP, she again told me she would however, when I followed up with the Gastroentolgists office a couple weeks later I was informed that they had not yet received anything.
The Dr. through the Fertility clinic has been very personable and kind. The staff (overall) have been great as well. However, everything I have experienced over the last couple months has me wanting to find another Fertility clinic. Even if this Dr. is great, if he is so overbooked that individuals are not being seen in a timely manner, then it significantly impacts client care. Also, if test results are not being sent to where they need to go, especially after being told they would, then how much confidence would I have in them for other things? We are not sure yet what we are going to do, at this point our follow up is only a week away so I think we are going to go and hear what they have to say and then make our decision. So in the meantime we wait .... The overall theme of this journey.
It was negative or BFN (Big Fat Negative) as we like to call it in the infertile world. Part of me was thinking that I was just going to be late and that I shouldn't get my hopes up while another part of me said that false negative can happen. It is always the balance of wanting to be hopeful while also wanting to be realistic and protect myself from pain. I decided to wait it out yet again, I told myself that I would wait until the weekend, and that if I still had not seen any signs then I would test again. In the evening of CD 30 (Friday), I had some bleeding when I went for a bowel movement (TMI I know), but then it went away. There was no more spotting or any other signs. I woke up the next morning and still nothing! So took another pregnancy test ... BFN! By now it was soo frustrating because I had no clue what was going on. I have never been this late before! If I wasn't pregnant then where was AF?? About an hour after being awake I went for another bowel movement and yet again had more bleeding, which went away right after. I looked it up (Yes, I Googled it!) and this is something that is not unheard of in early pregnancy so I continued to wait. ... To be hopeful or not to be hopeful that is the struggle. I think I have said it before but the waiting game is one of the hardest parts of this journey, not knowing either way and being in limbo.
Well, I finally got my answer several hours later. With massive stomach cramps and a heavy flow to boot. I honestly really should have known better. It was too good to be true, to actually think that I could have been pregnant. My original thoughts, that this wouldn't work on our own, should have stayed with me from the get go but I am human. It is so hard not to be hopeful even if we want to keep it at arms length. The thing that makes me feel the stupidest is that the previous day I had actually been talking to my stomach on the way to work. I told our hypothetical 'little bean' that we loved it already so much even though we didn't yet know if it was real. I told it all about our dog and cat and what our family was like. I asked it to just 'hang in there' so that we could meet it. I allowed myself to feel happy, feel as though this could really be a possibility and when AF reared her ugly face, I felt really stupid for it. But I know I would do it again, over and over because that is what this journey does to you. I just wish it didn't hurt so much.
