There is a lot involved in the investigative and treatment cycles for Infertility and it is really hard to get all of that information out there in order for people to be truly prepared for what they are getting in to. I feel that I am pretty detailed in depicting what is involved however, there is still a lot that I haven't said which I wish someone had warned me about prior to getting starting, so here is my list of what I wish I knew:
1. Say goodbye to your privacy.
You will be poked, prodded, and invaded in ways currently unimaginable. Majority of the clinic visits will involve internal ultrasounds (really all of them unless you are just going in for blood work). You are given a nice little paper blanket for modesty however, half the time that blanket gets ripped once you start moving around (or maybe that just happens to me! lol). I had one appointment where the technician walked in on me while I was still getting undressed (and I am pretty quick!). She just stood with the door open and I felt like saying, 'well you are going to see it in a moment, so you may as well come in', but then she closed the door and gave me 'privacy' to sit on the table. I had another appointment where there was a trainer in the room because the clinic got new ultrasound machines, so they were being taught how to use it. Whatever, the more the merrier right?? There are technicians/Dr.'s/nurses for each procedure and the number of people who have seen you naked from the waist down will grow. So if you are a shy/modest person, I promise you, you will get over that quickly.
2. You will experience jealously towards pregnant women, and it's OK!
For the first year we started trying I would hope and hope that with every pregnancy announcement I heard, our time would soon follow. As the months went by and the disappointments piled up I started to feel really sad with every new announcement. I no longer felt that we were soon to follow and therefore I had the pang of jealousy in the pit of my stomach. Why wasn't this happening for us?? As we moved on to the fertility treatments and continued to have failure after failure my jealousy grew as well. Why are other couples able to get pregnant for free and we have to pay thousands of dollars out of pocket, just for a chance? I dread pregnancy announcements now, because they constantly remind me of our failures and our struggles. I am truly happy for my friends and family that get pregnant, but the pain I feel for our situation is always there. I want my friends and family to tell me when they are pregnant, I would never ask them to hide their happiness because of my sadness. However, I would prefer it to be done over email or text message so that I can sit with my jealousy and pain and process the emotions first. I have also learned that these feelings fluctuate over the course of a month, or even a cycle. There are days when there may not be any jealousy at all, and others where it is soo overwhelming that you just need a break, which leads into #3.
3. Do what is right for you!
There is so much guilt involved when you are struggling with infertility. Guilt about what your body can and cannot do and guilt about the emotions you are experiencing. We expect ourselves to be perfect human beings and not let anything affect us and that is just nonsense that makes us feel even guiltier when we do have a bad day! If you are invited to a birthday party or a baby shower and you are feeling so vulnerable that you are not sure if you can make it through, then don't go! Give yourself permission to pass on parties/events without feeling the guilt about it. I have passed on a friend's baby shower because I knew I would be sad the whole time and would not enjoy myself. As happy as I was for her I knew there was a potential that I could ruin her party, because I am not the greatest at hiding my emotions. I would either have been sad or crying through the whole thing and therefore I didn't want her to worry about me. I felt that it would have been worse for me to go and ruin her party, than politely passing and allowing her to enjoy the day with people who were better able to celebrate. I did feel guilty, it is a natural human response, but I reminded myself that although I was protecting myself first and foremost, I was also looking out for my friend. Bottom line is do what you feel is right for you. If you feel you can attend that party, then go, but if you feel that it is not the right time for you, then don't force yourself. Be okay, with not being okay.
4. Find a good social network.
When I first embarked on this journey I went looking for a good support network. I didn't really know anyone that had gone through infertility personally, and although my family and friends tried to be supportive, I felt that they just weren't getting it. I joined a group on Facebook and initially felt that it was meeting my needs however over time I recognized that it wasn't. This particular group had a significant number of members and there always seemed to be some sort of conflict. Now, I only mention this because for me, the biggest issue I had with this group was comments made to people who needed to vent about insensitive comments they received or that 'yet another pregnancy announcement' that made them sad. The main reason I wanted to join a support group was to be able to vent. I wanted a safe place to express and release my emotions so I didn't snap about my friends and family. I felt who better to express these feelings to than a group of women going through the same thing. Ya, I was wrong on that front! There were others who needed the same level of support as I did however, there were some who made you feel like crap for your jealousy and anger. You were attacked (or felt as though you were) if you didn't just suck it up and accept the insensitive comments. I joined the group so I could suck up those insensitive comment in front of the person who said it, but then complain about it afterwards because it was hurtful. I wanted a place to be able to release those emotions so that they didn't get pent up. I found that I was getting more and more triggered and angry at the responses to people looking for that support, that I had to leave the group. We are all different and handle things different. Some are in a more negative space, or are still so new in this journey that they are in the midst of their grief and they need that level of support. Others have moved through their emotions and are in a more positive space. Both are normal, and both should be respected just the same. Since I left that group I have relied more on my friends and the friends I have met. I have been more honest about what works for me and what doesn't and I realize that having a small network that is meaningful to me is more important to my overall health. I did join another group but I try to use that more for informational purposes and support through the treatment than venting. It is very important to find what kind of support works best for you because you are going to need all the support that you can get! If you find you have some support that doesn't work for you, try to find something that does.
5. You will question EVERYTHING!
Every symptom you experience you will question. What does it mean? Is it a pregnancy symptom? Is it normal? Should I be concerned? Starting the medications for the IUI and IVF I started to freak out that I had done something wrong. Did I lose too much of the medication when trying to get out the air bubble? Did I inject it right? I watched the videos over and over and although I 'knew' what I was doing, I questioned it all, and I questioned it each and every time, and with every new medication. It is a never ending cycle. Even results from the Dr. are questioned. We are still unexplained infertility and with each failing cycle I question what has been missed. Is there something that we should be doing that is not being done? The list goes on and on. This is normal. In a situation where you have no control it is hard to not question everything, or google every last symptom. The key would be to find the balance and rely on your support network for reassurance. If you have to go back to your Dr. and ask more questions or even seek a second opinion, then do that as well! You need to feel as though you are on the right track.
6. There will be body fluids.
When we did our IUIs I could feel a 'leakage' when the nurse removed the speculum after the procedure. I initially thought it was the sperm leaking out however the nurse assured me it wasn't and told me that it was actually my own bodily fluids. This was super embarrassing!! I didn't however, imagine that it could get worse from there. For the IVF a semi full bladder is required. While the technician was pushing on my abdomen with the ultrasound machine, the only thing I could think of was 'don't pee on the Dr.'. I made a joke about trying not to pee on him and he laughed and said and if I did, I wouldn't have been the first and that it happens regularly. What?? Here I thought it was a joke, and now I was more worried than ever that it was going to happen to me!! Thankfully it didn't, but I will share it was pretty darn close, especially when the ultrasound technician continued to put pressure on my bladder. This just ties into #1, there are going to be very embarrassing things that happen and you will have bodily fluids released when you don't want it to, but it's all for a good cause. I keep trying to remind myself that if our treatments are successful (or even if not and we have to move on to adoption), it will be worth it. Just think, when a woman goes into labour her water typically breaks right? So we just have a head start on some those experiences.
Now, since there is so much involved with the treatments and infertility as a whole, I am sure there is more to this list, but I hope that this is a good start. If you are reading this because you yourself are experiencing infertility. I wish you nothing but the best. If you are reading this because you have a friend or family member suffering with infertility, then I hope I have been able to provide you with some insight so you will be better able to support them.
No comments:
Post a Comment