IUI #2

Right after we got our negative Beta from our first IUI we started the process for our second one. I told myself that I would not get my hopes up as much as last time and that I would look at this realistically. Most people I talked to went on about being hopeful. They hoped it worked for us and would tell me that I needed to be hopeful, but they just didn't understand that the 'hope' is what hurts the most. Sure I want to be hopeful that it works, and I truly am, but I also have to be realistic that nothing has worked thus far and that the percentages are low of it working again.

So we went through the whole process again. My husband and I decided that this time I would let the call for our Beta results go to voice mail and that we would listen to it together when we both got home for work. It was a long afternoon knowing that I had the answer sitting there on my phone.

Surprise surprise, the beta came back negative. I told myself that it was okay, we knew this was going to happen and to be strong. My husband and I had prepared ourselves, talking about what we would do for next steps and making plans. Although, I actually thought that by preparing for the next steps we wouldn't need it. I was angry, but I felt that I was taking the results better than I had the previous month. That was, until I got to work the next day. Within thirty minutes of being at work I was a water works show. I could not stop crying and I couldn't even talk. Perhaps it was the all the hormone drugs along with the negative beta, or perhaps the grief was just finally kicking in.

The nurse informed us that our treatment would be on hold now until we met with the Dr. to review next steps. Thankfully we got an appointment within four weeks, so that gave us a much needed break but still within a good time frame to move forward because moving forward is all we can do. Blindly and achingly.